I'll Never Learn

I understand now what you meant
by saying sorry
but it's not my fault it's not my fault if i can't
The words you've held and held
from me
but it's not my fault it's not my fault if i can't

and i know this way it makes it better... someway
just to pretend that i never knew you like i did
someday you might figure out why it went the road it went
But i'll never learn

I'm sure now why it happened
i think
but you can't blame me for being me
now it's hard to let it go
really
but you can't blame me

and i know this way it makes it better... someway
just to pretend that i never knew you like i did
someday you might figure out why it went the road it went
But i'll never learn

it's gone, it's somewhere in my mind,
but i can never find,
what's behind my nose.
If i had to choose
i'd surely lose
all those things
that matter most

and i know this way it makes it better... someway
just to pretend that i never knew you like i did
someday you might figure out why it went the road it went
But i'll never learn

i understand now what you meant
by saying sorry
sometimes it takes some work to be in love.

The Moon Must Get Lonely.

They sit quietly in a circle,
as the time ticks agrily,
echoing it's frustration up the stairwell,
Climbing each of the floorboards with a
Stomp, a Crash, a nudge in the arm
to tell everyone of us to speak what's on our minds.
But we sit silently in a circle,
Completely ignoring how everyone else is,
the third one lays back and begins to sing
a song about stars.
pointing out a constellation or two,
she drifts all our attentions to her.
Enjoying every moment of it...
but she forgets her affection for the moon.
I go to remind her how lonely it must be...
But everyone sits silently in this circle.
I don't want to kill this.
We listen to the third ones song.
The one that we all fell in love with.
If i ever get out of here,
She's coming with me.

Wait Here

I came
To look for answers
Instead I found those lies
The ones
i fell in love with
that made me cross the lines

I held
your hand through all this struggle
As you prayed and prayed and prayed for rain
I can't
pretend to be the driver
I can't pretend it's all the same

but I will wait here for you my love

You whisper
and cry your pain in silence
To break the chills you've held so long
I drag
my toes to you my lover
and keep my sadness in my song

but i will wait here for you my love

You give
me everything i wanted
And hide everything you have
You hope
destruction is the promise
This determination drives me mad.

but i will wait here for you my love

but i will wait here for you my love

Home.

I like your smile when it's suttle,
because than i know that it's mine.
Your secret style behind the blue-green color,
That takes this touch away from time.

The skin on your face fades red,
Without breaking the silence
getting torn by the words unsaid
soundlessly lasting in resonance

I can't make it home, I won't go home this time
Without your hand.
It's the last time, The last time i try.
Before I'm broken again.

It's the way you tell me all's well
without ever possibly knowing
giving that break, that time to dwell.
Bringing me to where i'm going.

I can't make it home, I won't go home this time
Without your hand.
It's the last time, The last time i try.
Before I'm broken again.

We shouldn't be here,
but this is where we know who we are.
We never belong.
We'll hide here together,
That must be home.

I can't make it home, I won't go home this time
Without your hand.
It's the last time, The last time i try.
Before I'm broken again.
Take me to where we don't belong.

Still Breathing

I can't tell the difference between these feelings
I can't tell today
I can't tell the simple things from difficult
I can't tell today
but all that i know is there's someone
all that i know is that someone will look my way

I don't feel any different now that i'm older
I don't feel okay
I don't like pretending i can handle this
I don't like today
but all that i know is there's someone
all that i know is that someone will look my way

and even when were screaming for the things we lost
even when our hearts stop beating
i know that you'll just hold me in your arms and say
that "i'm still breathing
for you"

You think that I'll never be there
You think that i've changed
I was once so worried about trusting
I was once the same
but all that i know is there's someone
all that i know is that someone will look my way

and even when were screaming for the things we lost
even when our hearts stop beating
i know that you'll just hold me in your arms and say
that "i'm still breathing
for you"

and even when were screaming for the things we lost
even when our hearts stop beating
i know that you'll just hold me in your arms and say
that "i'm still breathing
for you"

Just know that i'm breathing
for you.

And. Silence.

And down the sidewalk,
beaneath the trees,

Silence.

As the mist,
and the rain, proclaim
that the flame that once was,
will smolder,
it's passion growing older
along the sewers and sidewalks.

A rain drop, a river, or a tiny shore,
Whatever ever you fathom, muse, or ignore
Just pouring it's guts through the drains of forever more...
and it's all I have:

To hold, To witness, to try to ignite,
the same guilty, nautious feelings that i felt that night
all through the storm.
Before.
Pouring it's insides through the skies of forever more.

And your eyes in this disguise,
that i despise in the rain.
Have saved me from my life,
and taught me through the grave.
I figure i should warn,
before,
you reach the core,
of what's pouring it's blood through these veins...
forever more.

Forever more.
Forever more.
Forever more.

Silence.

Pulse

It's steady.
At least When you're around,
but the rush is sometimes misunderstood.
...i guess i can wait another day.
Maybe it's better if i sleep.
Maybe i can kiss you in my dreams.
Without that feeling,
Rejection.
Why are you still here.
You have assured and assured again.
But somehow this fate is still up to the stars.
The ones that tell my story.
About how the sun walks,
or how the moon talks.
And how they chase eachother until day becomes night,
and night becomes...
Rejection.
I need to know involuntary again.
Too fast, and the heart falls to pieces.
Too late like the ghosts soon to be...
Rejected.

You can count on that.

I'm mixed up when I'm breathing lust
for shit i've learned to dread.
I lose track and get bored
with the storage system in my head.
and all the words she says can strangle all that's left for self-esteam
I've failed the test that seeks for evidence of if she's listening.

I waste time when resting my eyes
but i sleep for the cause
She's out there where nobody cares
she knows it's not her loss
and it takes away the fundamental status quo to be
as i pretend to be the everything, of what she asks of me

I know in dreams you feel nothing
but nightmares alway bring you pain
I know thet kisses give you luck
but your life is screwed if you get fucked
at least that's what they say.
you can count on that anyway.

I've been sure that i have no worth
to anyone with hands
I know love means nothing at all
without the bullet cans
but she drags on all her past to the present as if there were no years
she doesn't know the things i whisper when she neglects the sounds she hears

I know in dreams you feel nothing
but nightmares alway bring you pain
I know thet kisses give you luck
but your life is screwed if you get fucked
at least that's what they say.
you can count on that anyway.

I know in dreams you feel nothing
but nightmares alway bring you pain
I know thet kisses give you luck
but your life is screwed if you get fucked
at least that's what they say.
you can count on that anyway.

i do have 2 coming

i just haven't had time to edit/post, i will post posibly on thursday...

Sometimes we forget...

We forget who we are when we forget we're walking.
Or how to walk even.
Or how to talk even.
We slur and stammer and the wind takes us away.
We forgot about that summers day.
It was too hot to move and the breeze felt more like pressure.
I didn't want to go where it was taking me.
I wanted to stand still, but i forgot how.

We forget who we are when we forget that we're sleeping.
Or how to sleep even.
Or how to dream even.
We forget to build hopes and the sun burns our future.
We forget about a lazy afternoon.
It was not oour typical deja vu and the psychic sense was more like tingling.
I didn't want to know what was happening.
I wanted to be dumb, but i forgot how.

We forget who we are when we forget that we're dying.
Or how to die even.
Or how to end even.
We forget that the conclusion is less important than the climax.
We forget about a summers evening filled with stars.
It was not our idea to lose face in the midst of all this anxiety.
I didn't want to be dead.
I wanted to be alive, in your eyes, but i forget how.

Aim and Snap

Aim and Snap,
Aim and Snap,
These pictures tell something about us.
I found one today.
You never knew that i kept this one.
It's a shame the world was just passing by behind us.
It's funny to see how it turned out.
No,
it's not funny at all.

Aim and Snap,
Aim and Snap,
we couldn't have cared any less at the time.
Every time the sun set we photographed a world of closed eyes.
And on a night like tonight,
your smile is unforgettable, especially when you hide in it.

Aim and Snap,
Aim and Snap,
Aim and Snap,
Aim and Snap.
People forget that this can lead to denile,
and denile is a whole mess of faces and ideas we're just not ready for.
So we walk down this road.
Camera in hand.
It's been used before.
Many eyes, Many Lies.
Who was i kidding.

She Knows Exactly

She speaks in tongues.
Writing graffiti on the walls of hell,
She knows exactly how to kill me.

She gestures in rythm,
cause it's impossible to rhyme.
She knows exactly how to kill me.

She recites her lyrical hit list with a feather in her hat
In hopes to get my attention,
In hopes that she can sway my mind for the good of mankind.
She's an artist and an activist.

She uses her talents against my ill-witted soul.
She knows exactly how to kill me.
She waits for a sign,
For the light to hit just right.
She knows exactly how to kill me.

On a friday night while the others plan out their pathetic lives
She lurks in the corner of a room,
belonging to a day dream skeptic.
She knows exactly how to kill me.
She's an angel, and she's doing what's best,


.......but she doesn't know i'm already dead.

My Whole World Was Bliss...

Maybe i'm not ready for all this,
I just want it to slow down.
We were kids once,
and as kids it meant everything.
Do you even care anymore?
For awhile i was standing on top of the slide feeling like the king of the world,
I just wanted to hear you laugh.
That sound to my ears was a dream,
it made my knees weak, and falling down the slide was my whole world.
My whole world was bliss.
Of Course those three seconds of free fall took so much time when i was younger,
now,
three seconds is too short.
By the time i climb to the top again,
That brat on the monkey bars will be making you cry.
I never realized than,
that it was never about making you laugh
It was about proctecting you...
Maybe i'm not ready for this,
I just want it to slow down,
We were kids once,
and we held hands during that trip across the park.
That's is something i'll never forget.

Under The Oak Tree

We seemed to stay quiet about those moments under the oak tree,
but I know it was not the branches that had sworn us to secrecy,
It was a seed planted by our own wicked minds, and a guilty conscience...
For what exactly.
The leaves never exactly violated us,
The leaves were more a consolation,
The leaves perhaps saved our lives more than once.
But the first we blamed is a tree.
"Damn you for growing here.
Surely you could have picked a better spot."
The things that happened under the oak tree were for us,
it was either our fault for getting there,
or it was our fault for leaving.
All i want is to go back and lay under the shade for awhile.
When you are ready to admit you loved everything about those moments,
the Oak will be expecting an apology.

Fool On The Floor

At Night i Feel the Cold,
It burns in a way that some might call satisfying,
I call it pointless.
I blame the bedroom walls... and the ceiling,
the doors, and the windows,
for a world less meaningful than those made in movies.
But i would never even bother the floor.
It spends most of the day being walked on...
it doesn't need to soak in my shit.
I've heard you breathing hear,
"I still have many secrets in this place.
Will you ever bother to ask?"
A whisper of trickery no doubt,
Ha, and you thought me a fool

.....well i'll admit it.
I am, I'm your bloody fool and i'm sick of it.
But the bedroom floor is never gunna say it to your face.

Goodnight...

Shit Hits The Fan

Last night you forgot your f*ckin' manners
Last night you forgot to say hello
This years not over til tomorrow
There's still enough time to forget to grow

Last night your lips fell off the table
Last night you left me for the fall
Last night your smile kept me disabled
Last year was to long to count at all

So this is it, this is what it's like
To take on the world everynight
I thought this time that you might get it
I've never been Mr. Right

Last night i decided to break the strings
Last night the the things i touched were ruined
Last year i was forced to clean my broken wings
This years flight, it crashed, i'm screwed.

So this is it, this is what it's like
to know when to throw the fight
I thought i'd never understand
I've never been Mr. Right

Last night you built this fence
Last you ditched me on right angle road
Last night i choked on my words
Last year it was the fault of my own

So this is it, this is what it's like
to bleed from fingers you write
it's time that you take a look around
I've never been Mr. Right

Last night i kept a word or two myself
Last night you killed some bloody time
Last night we skipped through photo albums
Last year i commited suicide.

Last night it was in the wrong place
Last night i was the right man
Last night the words were erased
Last night the Shit hit the Fan

The Things That Only I Know

The snow that fell on a sunday afternoon,
The laughing (like a song) cutting through your room,
lying dead, falling slow.

In the front yard, i wrote some promises and words,
I professed my knowledge for the absence of birds,
and it was quiet as my writings sank in the snow.

But by and by i heard my name
and the things that i just couldn't say
the things that only i know.


Some hot chocolate and bad cinema
your window views the boulevard
where a fire hydrant marks the spot

exchanging whispers to myself
the nervous ticks all day i felt
"playing with the hand that fate has delt."
The dreams you had...... maybe not.

But by and by i heard my name
and the things that i just couldn't say
the things that only i know.

To them i'm just the enemy
to us it was a battery
the power behind the light in our hands

the frozen breaths melting in my mouth
my hands hanging to the south
no room left for doubt
shooting stars are in high demand

But by and by i heard my name
and the things that i just couldn't say
the things that only i know.

Primavera

Stars seem more distant now.
Wonder why you never noticed.
I was so controlled by the tide
and the clicks and clanks on the dock.
I wonder how you never noticed.
How the leaves on the trees
seemed to whisper in the breeze, "tomorrow"
How their breaths seemed to skim across the lake,
singing songs about us,
the kind of songs that only water knows about,
still amazes me how you never noticed.
How the breeze left your hair just right
before everything was dead silent
and only the sounds of night were allowed.
Why aren't you noticing?
How the moon illuminates your soft skin of porcelain,
How it echoes in your eyes,
How it rests on the wake of this restless primavera
and rolls towards us.

You look at me, and the fact that i experience this,
this true nights romance,
trying the footprints to imprint and resonate in your mind...
goes unnoticed,
makes me last another day.
Just so i can prove something to you.

Like That.

You were sleeping than...
winter was over
and the sun peeked through your window
resting its light on your face
i envied each ray,
it's graceful touch sliding across your skin

even though this room was closed
a birds chirp echoed through the stillness
my silence kept you sleeping

I watched you breath
inhale
exhale
and soon our breaths joined

I felt our heartbeats. The Same.
the rythm.
the rising tension
the quick release.
the building suspense.
the relief.

Than softly, sweetly...
movement.
A Yawn.
Breath Sperates.
Hearts Race.
Don't wake!

But calmly you bury you head in my shoulder.
Breathing becomes one.
and pulses interwind.
A pain lingers in my chest, a kind that doesn't hurt.
I can't understand it.
But
Keep me guessing

Just
Like
That.

Still

Yes.
You wanted to know if i was real,
or maybe it was someone else
from the vague discriptions displayed in your letter
I can tell that you will never even find real in yourself.
Whether it was about me or not
the skies opinion should never matter
The clouds whisper can never defeat the determination of heart.
The rain that night can forever leave my memory!
But you chose to run barefoot
to sink in the grass
leave these footprints on my mind.
Run you fingers through the mud.
Just so YOU could feel something.
...don't ask me if i'm real
As if you couldn't tell by the dirt beneath your fingertips.
An illusion.
As soon as the blisters healed you forgot everything.
A disease you passed to me.
An infection to the brain.
Killing all my willingness to give a damn!
Staring at the stars we must have known
that this "train wreck" in the distance
was us.
but who knows, maybe one day the wind will meet your back.